In Hebrew Barnabas means Son of Consolation, Son of Exhortation or Son of Comfort, Son of Encouragement. I didn’t know that when I chose your name. I was planning on calling you Henry or Eric or Colin and then I was told that in Europe each new litter has to be named with the letter of the alphabet corresponding to the number of litters that the breeder was up to. So B it had to be. I was sitting in a cafe looking at the mountains opposite at the time that your name came to me. It had to be a strong name, an old name and so it was to decided. Some people believe that children grow into their names, I believe that you were always meant to be Barnabas and I was to find that out over the coming months and years. You were my Son of Comfort and Son of Encouragement. You were my rock, my pillow and my blanket all rolled into one.
Son of Consolation – This could never be more true. I was still struggling to settle in Austria following the loss of my beloved Great Dane Max who had been my rock for many years I was convinced that I would not have any more dogs and then you popped up in my newsfeed. Just three hours later I had placed a deposit on you and had the long wait to collect you on New Years Eve (six whole weeks away). You brought me comfort from the moment that I held you in my arms. You looked into my eyes and I knew right then that you was going to be a special friend. Little did I know just how much comfort you were to bring over the coming years. Throughout your life your brought comfort not only to me but to so many other people who struggled with their emotions. You always knew when to go mad and when to be calm and quiet. Like the day that we were out walking in a local nature park. You had found a dead hedgehog and was giddy with excitement. Determined to share your find with me and chasing me around the field trying to give me the rancid, decaying body and refusing to drop it and head home. Forty minutes we spent in that field. Me running away from you like a mad woman and you full of fun and life refusing to accept that it was time to go home. Then a bus arrived and out poured a group of students from the local school for adults with learning difficulties. You dropped your treasure and slowed right down, coming to heel by me and watching the group slowly making their way along the path. Then, without moving you accepted them surrounding you and wanting to pat you and talk to you. Quietly and calmly you moved between them, picking out the quiet ones and nuzzling into their chest for a cuddle. I was so proud of you that I forgot how exhausted I had been from all of your mischief. And then there was the day that we were walking by the river. You suddenly took off running towards a man sitting on a bench that we had not met before ignoring my calls to come back. As you got closer you slowed down and walked up slowly. From a distance I saw the man put his arm out to stroke you, moving in closer you put your head on his knee, he placed his head down onto yours and hugged you. I caught up to find the man crying and asked if he was ok. He had lost his son that week and he told me that it was the first day he had felt like leaving the house. You knew he needed comfort in that moment and gave it willingly.
Son of Encouragement: Watching you grow and take on the world with such enthusiasm and vigour as I was introducing you to new things was a joy. As I encouraged and you learned to navigate the steps to the house, climb onto the sofa, cross the big scary bridge over the river and sit by the road as trucks drove past so too did I start to build courage to make the big scary decisions that I had been avoiding for far too long. Seeing somebody else attempt to hold you back from drinking puddles, eating grass, smelling cow poo and trying to jump off big hills and watching you stubbornly refuse to stop from exploring the world as you saw fit opened my eyes to how I had been held back, put down and misused. Oh, you’re stubbornness could be so frustrating at times but invariably you made me howl with laughter and you certainly encouraged me to be more stubborn.
We had a real bond you and I, like no bond I have ever experienced in my life. You always knew what I was thinking, how I was feeling and what I was about to do. Although often I wondered if it was more you manipulating me into putting my boots on for a walk, going to the fridge to get you a sausage or deciding I was full so that you could have my leftovers. I always knew just when you were about to do something you shouldn’t, when you needed that extra cuddle and when you wanted to be left in peace.
You were my protector, my saviour and my dark Knight. You always knew just where I was when we were out walking. Maybe it was thanks to all of the games of hide and seek we played or perhaps it was just because you needed to be there. You always had my back. If I dropped to the ground you would come running. I remember the day, just after we arrived in a noisy busy town from rural Austria, you were spooked by the traffic and slipped your collar and began running towards a noisy dual carriageway. All I could do to get your attention was drop to the ground and you stopped in your tracks and came running right back to me. After that it was always your thing. If I bent over to tie my shoelaces, there you were behind me checking out the horizon. If I tried to sit quietly on a bench you refused to play in the field but had to sit beside me. Strangely, though, if you were having fun with your friends and didn’t want to go home my tactic didn’t work.
From your first night at home you established your own routine of climbing onto the sofa with your favourite cuddly toy and dragging your blanket up too. There we would sit listening to classical music until your soft breath switched to tiny snores and the beat of your heart would settle down. No matter how hard a day I had I could always rely on you to calm me down with that nightly routine and some days the thought of that night time cuddle kept me going.
We travelled through life together. Through valleys and over mountains. We traversed rough terrain and we overcame many obstacles. You always looked to me to make the right decisions and I tried my hardest to do the right thing by you. Finally, one day, you looked at me and I knew. It was time for me to make the hardest decision and I didn’t want to have to make it but I did and as much as it hurt I know that I did the right thing for you. We sat together under your blanket with your Marmot listening to Lark Ascending as you settled your head on my knee and looked at me one last time with your deep brown eyes. And at that moment I believed in Soulmates.
Barnabas of Austria Great Stars aka Barney Trubble 7/11/2015 -11/8/2020
So young and yet such an old soul. Sleep well sweet boy until our spirits reconnect someday.
Mishaps and Adventures 